What is Parental Guilt?

Parental guilt refers to the internal conflict some parents feel when they don’t meet their personal parenting expectations. They commonly fear not being able to be the ‘perfect’ parent for their children when they feel torn between their duties as both a caregiver and a provider. Parental guilt is relatively common but can be an overwhelming and discouraging experience.

Common Signs of Parental Guilt

• Chronic fatigue or stress

• Constantly feeling ‘less than’ or like a bad parent

• Increased anxiety

• Depression

• Never feeling fully present with children 

• Feeling out of control in terms of responsibilities

• Continuous stress over work or money

• Strained marital or family relationships

Who is Susceptible to Parental Guilt?

Any parent at any time during parenthood can find themselves feeling parental guilt. However, there are some that are most likely to experience it based on various personal, social, or economic circumstances.

New Parents

It is common for new parents to experience a great amount of uncertainty and stress, setting them up to be more susceptible to experience feelings of guilt. It can be easy to feel like a ‘bad parent’ if they feel their actions or inactions are negative to their child’s well-being. Lack of sleep, adjusting to their new role as a parent, and learning all the parts of childcare can be overwhelming. Because of this, parents can make mistakes or feel unprepared to handle all these new, difficult situations. It is easy for new parents to internalize their shortcomings, real or not, and judge themselves more harshly, adding to their parental guilt.

Parents with Limited Resources and Support

Parents raising children with limited resources and support have more unique challenges than more privileged groups. Some parents may struggle with providing their children with food, clothing, and education or can lack access to complete healthcare, making feelings of guilt worse. Parents can experience a sense of isolation when dealing with parenting challenges without needed support from family, friends, or social services.

Single Parents

Single parents often carry the entire burden of parenting alone while they also have to juggle household chores and financial responsibilities. Balancing all of these can leave the parent in a constant state of exhaustion and stress, making single parents more susceptible to feeling parental guilt. 

Single parents can struggle with balancing their work and personal life, which can negatively impact the time spent with their children. Single parents can feel regret about being unable to provide their children with a dual parent support system, which can cause them to overcompensate in other aspects of their children’s lives. Additional stress can be felt by the parent due to inconsistent parenting practices as they attempt to make up for perceived shortcomings. 

Techniques for Parental Guilt

There are many ways that you and a clinician can combat and cope with feelings of parental guilt. Some psychotherapy theories that can help are Acceptance and Commitment therapy (ACT) or Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Using ACT, you and a clinician can work on self-care, acceptance, forgiveness and mindfulness. Using CBT, you and a clinician can challenge negative thoughts, be introduced to alternative perspectives, and also use mindfulness techniques. With either of these approaches or with a combination of both, you would be focusing on building positive communication skills, setting realistic goals, shifting the focus onto strengths, and accepting imperfection.